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Page 106

PART I - IN THE SHADOW OF DEATH
CHAPTER 13 - THE WIVES

of the death of one old friend after another. Old Bela Zsedenyi had gone. He no longer needed the cigarettes I had so faithfully sent him.
Death and hopelessness engulfed us. We began to believe that in spite of the temporary easements, there would probably never be a final deliverance. Why, therefore, should we drag down our loved ones into this suffering? Why should they, too, be punished when their only crime was that they loved us, and would stand by us through everything?
I decided to write to my wife about her future. I told her that she should feel free to remarry. After all, she was young; why should she tie her life to someone who might spend the rest of his days in prison?
I did not feel like seeing or speaking to anyone. Some of my fellow prisoners tried to cheer me up, but to no avail.
I knew it would be from four to six weeks before I would hear from my wife. The agony of waiting became almost unbearable, and when the letter finally came I was afraid to read it. After staring at the missive for a while I opened it. I knew I would have to accept her decision.
My wife said she would not consider divorce, and that she was standing by me not because I wanted her to, but because she wanted to do so. She implored me to remain strong and never to forget that she loved me and that I was not alone.
One day, nearly all the Communist prisoners were released. Apparently this was the result of Imre Nagy's reforms. As more and more of them were freed, a wave of optimism swept the prison. When one or two non-Communists were also released, everyone was overjoyed. Wishful thinking predominated.
Somehow, the rumor got around that anyone who petitioned for the reopening of his case would be given the right to a new trial. After giving the matter careful consideration, I wrote my own petition.

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