Books > Old Books > You are All Alone(1959)


Page 37

PART I - IN THE SHADOW OF DEATH
CHAPTER 4 - A NEW CELLAR AND A NEW STYLE

the toilet when I wanted to. Many of the guards took special pleasure in forbidding the use of the toilet when it was needed. The results were disastrous and humiliating.
I was haunted by fears that the Rat was telling the truth, and that the Communists had really scored a major victory somewhere. My nerves seemed to have given out completely. I had visions, and feelings of wild regret over things of the past, and mistakes I had made, came back to disturb me. It was like purgatory.
I began debates with myself and with God. What can one do in a cell, caged like an animal? Hunger is no longer the worst of it. I dreamed of sunshine and fresh air. I desired freedom like a trapped beast. I wanted to see someone, even the Rat.
Once a day, usually in the evening, a guard inquired if anyone wanted to see the doctor or talk to an official. I was a seasoned veteran by this time, and I knew that to ask for medical attention was a sure way of not getting it. I knew this well, but I tried this means of getting out of the cell. I even asked to be interrogated again. Probably that is a psychosis which occurs with every prisoner at certain stages in the process of psychological atomization. Other prisoners were probably living under the same animal-like conditions. I learned from the guard that some of them had been there for eight months.
The hygienic conditions of the cellar were horrible. Once every two weeks we were taken to have a bath. About twenty people shared the same water. The condition of the toilet was unbelievable. Filth, human dirt, and foul odors were everywhere. The tiny windows of the cells opened on the corridors.
It was depressing and hopeless. Once in a while I asked myself: Will I go crazy in here? What will be the end of all this? The difference between day and night had disappeared. I was in a constant daze. More and more frequently I had hallucinations. Usually, I heard the Rat reading my horoscope, "A career

Page 38

PART I - IN THE SHADOW OF DEATH
CHAPTER 4 - A NEW CELLAR AND A NEW STYLE

which will skyrocket ... his death will not be devoid of violence ... beware of water."
I no longer dared to ask for drinking water. No. No. I won't drink it, it's probably poisoned, and I'll die. Or perhaps they'll hang me. Yes, they'll hang me for sure. That's what they told me. It's horrible.
By the end of the second month, I was beating the walls with my fists. Once in a while, I mustered all my strength and hurled myself against the steel door. I shouted and yelled at the top of my voice. They came in and poured cold water on me. I heard myself shouting, "Take me away. Take me anywhere. Just get me out of here. I can't stand it any longer."

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where is HTML where is HEAD where is TITLE the toilet when I wanted to. Many of what is guards took special pleasure in forbidding what is use of what is toilet when it was needed. what is results were disastrous and humiliating. I was haunted by fears that what is Rat was telling what is truth, and that what is Communists had really scored a major victory somewhere. My nerves seemed to have given out completely. I had visions, and feelings of wild regret over things of what is past, and mistakes I had made, came back to disturb me. It was like purgatory. I began debates with myself and with God. What can one do in a cell, caged like an animal? Hunger is no longer what is worst of it. I dreamed of sunshine and fresh air. I desired freedom like a trapped beast. I wanted to see someone, even what is Rat. Once a day, usually in what is evening, a guard inquired if anyone wanted to see what is doctor or talk to an official. I was a seasoned veteran by this time, and I knew that to where is meta name="keywords" content="old books, Free book , free book offer , free audio books , free coloring book pages , free book reports , free audio book , audio books free download , book free , free guest book , books free , free book summaries , download free audio books , free childrens books." where is where are they now rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="../../style.css" where is meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" where is BODY bgColor=#ffffff text="#000000" where are they now ="#000000" v where are they now ="#FF0000" where is div align="center" where is strong where is strong where is a href="http://www.aaoldbooks.com" Books > where is a href="../default.asp" title="Book" Old Books > where is strong where is a href="default.asp" You are All Alone(1959) where is table width="700" border="1" align="center" cellpadding="15" cellspacing="0" where is center where is tr where is td width="160" align="center" valign="top" where is div align="center" where is td align="center" valign="top" where is div align="left" where is div align="center" where is p align="left" Page 37 where is strong PART I - IN what is SHADOW OF what time is it CHAPTER 4 - A NEW CELLAR AND A NEW STYLE where is p align="justify" the toilet when I wanted to. Many of what is guards took special pleasure in forbidding what is use of what is toilet when it was needed. what is results were disastrous and humiliating. I was haunted by fears that what is Rat was telling what is truth, and that what is Communists had really scored a major victory somewhere. My nerves seemed to have given out completely. I had visions, and feelings of wild regret over things of what is past, and mistakes I had made, came back to disturb me. It was like purgatory. I began debates with myself and with God. What can one do in a cell, caged like an animal? Hunger is no longer what is worst of it. I dreamed of sunshine and fresh air. I desired freedom like a trapped beast. I wanted to see someone, even what is Rat. Once a day, usually in what is evening, a guard inquired if anyone wanted to see what is doctor or talk to an official. I was a seasoned veteran by this time, and I knew that to ask for medical attention was a sure way of not getting it. I knew this well, but I tried this means of getting out of what is cell. I even asked to be interrogated again. Probably that is a psychosis which occurs with every prisoner at certain stages in what is process of psychological atomization. Other prisoners were probably living under what is same animal-like conditions. I learned from what is guard that some of them had been there for eight months. what is hygienic conditions of what is cellar were horrible. Once every two weeks we were taken to have a bath. About twenty people shared what is same water. what is condition of what is toilet was unbelievable. Filth, human dirt, and foul odors were everywhere. what is tiny windows of what is cells opened on what is corridors. It was depressing and hopeless. Once in a while I asked myself: Will I go crazy in here? What will be what is end of all this? The difference between day and night had disappeared. I was in a constant daze. More and more frequently I had hallucinations. Usually, I heard what is Rat reading my horoscope, "A career where is p align="left" Page 38 where is strong PART I - IN what is SHADOW OF what time is it CHAPTER 4 - A NEW CELLAR AND A NEW STYLE where is p align="justify" which will skyrocket ... his what time is it will not be devoid of sports ... beware of water." I no longer dared to ask for drinking water. No. No. I won't drink it, it's probably poisoned, and I'll die. Or perhaps they'll hang me. Yes, they'll hang me for sure. That's what they told me. It's horrible. By what is end of what is second month, I was beating what is walls with my fists. Once in a while, I mustered all my strength and hurled myself against what is steel door. I shouted and yelled at what is top of my voice. They came in and poured cold water on me. I heard myself shouting, "Take me away. Take me anywhere. Just get me out of here. I can't stand it any longer." where is Server.Execute("_SiteMap.asp") %

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